What I Felt Right Now...

I don't know where to start and how to write. It's not that easy to just let it all out like this.I wish I could say something knowing fully that she did her best to be with me and yet I wasn't being understanding to her. I don't know why I suddenly feel it's not enough when the truth it's enough. She must be stressing herself out by being with me and thinking of me. I'm a burden to her, I wish she would say something to me because I would never know what's on her mind. 

The reason why I feel lonely it's because of our conversation got shorter and our chat hasn't been the same.I may be overthinking about it, I just can feel it. Maybe it's my own imagination and that's why I feel lonely for the past few days. I admit it that I'm an attention seeker, I'm sorry but I never felt being loved so dearly by my own partner. And maybe that's why I feel so lonely.

She never once said anything about me being a burden to her instead I was the only one who said it sometimes. She never once told me she's tired of me, she's always straight forward with me no matter what. Even it might hurt me she still said what she think is right to her. That's one of my reason why I love her so much. She may a year order than me but she is amazing girl. 

The loneliness that I felt inside of me is something I should be stopping from especially being overthinking. It is not good for my health or my relationship with my partner. I don't want to ruin anything because I love her and I cherish her with my wholeheartedly. My loneliness isn't that serious because I can still be happy with my girl without even thinking about my problems.

However she might not like it if she knows that I've been having this kind of situation. She might get mad or nag at me for being too selfish and overthinking about this kind of situation. I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass, I know you would go angry at me for being careless again. It feels like I didn't trust you at all knowing how I feel right now. I'm sorry my love for being childish and sorry for doubting you. I'm scare that you would slowly feel bored and tired when you're with me. So yeah I'm sorry my baby. 

Secret Love

It was a busy Monday. Everyone in Dream-Joy Company were so busy that they didn’t even notice a red sport car stop in front of the building entrance. The guards did noticed though, so one of the guards were walking towards the car to tell whoever the driver is to move the car. But before they can even get close, a beautiful yet serious woman get out from the car. 

Not just that. But her appearance was enough to tell everyone that she is someone important people. She wore a mini black skirt with a matching top to go on with the skirt. The sound of her heels clinging against the floor as she walk towards the entrance of the building. She glance back at the car and signaling her friend a thanks for the ride. Her friend just rolled his eyes to see how diva his friend can be. “Good luck girl! Call me when it’s done” winking at his friend before drove away from the place.

As soon she walks into the big building. Everyone stop doing what they were doing just to stare at her. They finally notice her existence, but nevertheless she didn’t even bother to stop and looked at them instead she walks straight to the information counter.

“I am here to see your big boss” said the beautiful woman even showing her card or more like a VIP passes. The man take a good look at the passes before nodding his head and the he pointed the way “Ms. Hailey is in 8th floor”

The woman thanked him before walking towards the elevator. Everyone still keep staring at her like she is a goddess. As soon the elevator door opens, the beautiful woman get inside and then finally she notice the stares. She gives her infamous eyebrow before shaking her head and push the button to the 8th floor. “Ugh! Every fucking time. I am going to kill that woman when I see her later!” Mumbles the beautiful woman in her most annoying voice.

Ding. She finally reach the 8th floor. The elevator door opens and she quickly gets out. She even held her head high and with her style of walking, no one would dare to come and talk to her. Her serious facial expresion even told that she doesn’t want to be bother. “Excuse me but please tell your boss her aqcuintance is here to see her” the PA looked up at her and nodded without a single word coming out from her mouth.

“Hello Ms. Hailey, I am sorry to bother you but your aqcuintance is here to see you” said the PA on the phone. “Alright Ms. Hailey”  She then put down the phone and stood up “please come this way, Ms-“ “Its Mrs. Hazel” They both walked silently towards Ms. Hailey office. The PA knocked the door before opening the door and walks in followed by the beautiful woman that we know now her name is Hazel.

“Thank you” Hazel said towards the PA before she walks outside the office to go back to her work while leaving her boss and her aqcuintance to talk. “It’s weird to hear people call you Ms when you should be Mrs” those were the first words come out from Hazel’s mouth as soon the PA left them alone. More like she spatted the words with sarcastic.

“You should know by now that I do this to keep our marriage a secret. You even agree about those idea. So why do you want to get angry” said Hailey calmly towards her wife as she takes off her glasses and put on her desk. She knows how they both agree to keep the marriage a secret. The only people that knows their relationship are their closes family and friends. Other than those people, it will going to remand a secret. 

“But I thought you would be telling your PA by now knowing she will soon finds out about us Hailey. And beside, you know I could never trust that PA of yours Hailey” Argue Hazel back while folding her arms in front of her chest. Hailey looked at Hazel like she is some crazy person but she still loves her wife even how crazy Hazel can be. “I am sure by now she will know after you giving her the cold stare” sighing Hailey as she leans back and looking at her wife amusedly.

Hazel rolled her eyes before unfolding her arms and sighing defeatly “it’s not my fault for being possesive of whats mine” Haiely let out a small chuckles before she stands up and went around her desk to stand in front of her wife. “I always love you. And beside I did marry you right” explained Hailey with the most sweetest and loving way she possible could do.

Both of them stares at each other with adoring in their eyes. And before they know it. They both leans towards each other and giving the most loving kiss they could ever share. Hailey will always assuring her wife nothing to worried about. While Hazel being herself always feeling insecure about it. Both of them are each other soulmate. No one could even seperated them. Their loves are stronger.

They break the kisses to get some air and Hailey looked at her wife before kissing her forehead and said “I love you” Hazel blushes at how romantic her wife can be. Sometime she wonders how did she get so lucky to have such an adoring, loving, kind and most of all understanding wife ever. She still can’t even believe it.

“So now tell me, is everything okay? It is rare for you to come to my office without calling me first” asked Hailey as she sits at the end of her desk while holding her wife close to her. She could never get tired to feel her wife in her arms plus it is a bonus for her knowing it can realse her stressness because of her work. So yeah it’s a win-win for both of them.

“Yeah everything’s okay” answers Hazel a little bit nervous though, scared how her wife will take the news that she will going to tell. “You sure?” Asked Hailey while arching her eyebrows. 

“Yes babe everything fine. It just I have some good news for you and I don’t know how to say it” Hailey nodded her head slowly without saying anything. So that means, she giving Hazel the time to tell her without hurry. “You remember right how you promised we could start a family as soon as possible and how we even take 3 times to get pregnant but its all failed...So today I went to the doctor seeing how I didn’t even get my period for almost 1 and a half, and guess what?” Haiely slowly asked carefully “you’re pregnant?”

Hazel nodded her head excitedly “yes! The doctor said I am already 2 weeks pregnant.” 

Without any warning, Hailey quickly hugs her wife while happy tears started to come out from her eyes. She is now finally the most happiest woman in the world. She looked at her wife and kissed her with so much passion and they break the kiss “I love you! I love you so much! This is the most happiest day of my life! Thank you baby, you’re the best wife ever!” Said Hailey excitedly while her looking at her wife with so much love.

She then slowly turns her eyes towards her wife stomach. She kneel down and gently kissed her wife stomach. She even whispers “I love you” to the unnoticable bump. 

After hearing the most happy news, Hailey quickly calls her PA telling her that to cancel all of her meeting and appointments for the whole week and even telling her that she is taking off from work as well. The PA didn’t asked much but agree with her boss. Then, Hailey looked at her wife and said with a playful smirk showing on her face “let’s go home and celebrate like how we always do” Hazel could only laughs at how funny her wife can be but agrees anyway seeing how turn on she is and even miss her wife touches as well. 

“Whatever you want. I am yours and you are mine. Soon we both will become mothers to a very healthy beautiful baby girl or boy” said Hazel in the most adoring voice while caressing her wife cheek. Hailey leans more into Hazel’s touch before kissing her wife hand. And so they both left the office and the company at the other way that only Hailey knows. Sooner or later everyone will know about Hazel and Hailey relationship. Either way, they both will always stay together forever. 

You guys ever wonder how amazing being in love with the same person for the rest of your life? Well that is how those two feel right now. But much happier after knowing there will be a new edition in their family. Wish real life could have those happily ever after ending. So everyone can be happy with their own significant one. Not everyone can have those happy ever after ending life. Because all relationship have their ups and downs but the one who fights hard will have their own happily ever after ending. 

The Memory

Hello everyone it's been awhile for me to post a new blog. So today I decided to write about my journey with my ex. How she hurt me and decieved me. She fooled me not once but twice. She had me from the start. I was too stupid for not seeing how she played me like a basketball. Everyone told me I should move on and find a new love but I didn't listened instead I still stay and defense her that she isn't like that kind of a person.

One day something happen, she suddenly vanish without a word.I thought it was my fault but sadly she actually running away from me. She left me.She's gone. No trace at all.Not a single call or text from her. I was devastated.I was depress knowing she suddenly left. I thought I gave her what she wants, she would stay and be happy with me. I was wrong, I was played real well. 

Three months without hearing from her.I started to move on and be happy. I thought if she could last me with no explanation then I would just go on with my life and no more saddness. Then all of sudden, you called me using your mom's phone.I was shook and the pain that I thought was long gone came back. 

You told me why you suddenly vanish from my life without explanation. I was quiet the all time. I was speechless, blank and hurt. Just hearing your voice brings back all the pain you put me through. 

The phone call was actually invitation to your wedding that would be in a month. And that's when I realize that you only come into my life just to get rid of your boredom.Well I did went to see your wedding and it was painful. I told myself that she's not for me and she's not good for my health. And so I move on even how badly she treated me, forever I would remember. I may forgive her but my hatred towards her would forever be there.

My world crashes and my heart scarred. On that day, I decided just move on and find someone else.I want to create another new beginning with someone who truly loves me and see my effort without taking granted. When I do find that person, I would treat her way better than I treated my ex and she will loves me and help me without thinking twice. She will also treat me the same way as I did. That's a relationship goals.

Memory will always be there no matter what, so be thankful and start a new chapter of your life. Never regret instead be thankful that you have learned a new things about life, love, pain, sad and mostly happiness. Lessoned to learned. That's memory for you. Smile and keep going with your life. 

New Chapter, New Beginning and New Me

"What the fuck Stacey!? I thought we had a deal back then. What with all of these sudden scandalous you're making?! You know what will happen if the paparazzi found out about these stupid idiotic idea you make? In just one glance your fame will be gone and you will also gives our company a bad name" I yelled at her in most dramatic I ever had in my entire life. I couldn't help but be mad at her. Now I know why the sudden called this morning.

I looked at Stacey with a death glare, but all she give was a looked of innocence face. I took a deep breath and exhale it before calmly sit down at the opposite of her. "Seriously S, I thought we had that talk and you agree to us being just friend. What happen 3 months ago was just a phase between us and beside we both know it won't be nice on people eyes if we're together even bad for your fame and the company too."

"You never once care about those others people, you never once damn care about what might my fans think about us at that time including that damn company!" her respond was immediately make me feel regret and a little bit guilty. I did told her that 3 months ago.

I sigh and lean back on the couch while looking everywhere but her "I know I did said those thing to you but you got to know sometime I don't mean anything. Because I just don't feel like being with anyone or even in a commitment relationship. Come on Stacey be mature and stop doing all of these shit and just focus on your career. And accept that there will be no us today, tomorrow or forever. Please, for your own future too."

Before you wondering what happen between us. Well it's all started with a stupid party that we both ended up in hooking up. It was supposed to be a one night stand but sadly we both kind a like each other, so we both try to take things a little slower and get to know each other.

Unfortunately, after a month and three weeks of being together. We were caught in our act of relationship by non other than my best friend; Jessie Walker. She accidentally walk in on us doing the nasty thing, she scream in shocked and quickly yelled at us for being unprofessional. 

Stacey and I both apologies and gave the explanation to Jessie but she didn't take it too well I tell ya. She was angry and mostly disappointed on us but she more disappointed in me since I was one of the big boss at the company and to have this kind of relationship will only make it bad.

She make us to stop doing these stupid and unprofessional love affair aside and focus to our own work. She even said not to let the other media, paparazzi or any company about us, if not everything will be doomed. She yelled at me and then at Stacey, I almost can see the green creature forming on her. I sat there quietly while Stacey looked like she didn't bother what Jessie was telling at us.

Gosh! If only I knew that it will turn out this way, I would absolutely avoid in this love affair. Three years ago was enough for me to not believe in love or staying faithful to the one. Guess I never learn my lesson that 3 months ago. But I was happy that it didn't open my past, so at least I still kept my own promises to myself then.

"I'm sorry Stacey. I really do. You know we can't be together beside you have brighter future ahead of you if you focus on it and never care about this stupid affair we used to had. Let's start over to being friends if not let's start being manager and client, only talking about works nothing more than that."

She wasn't satisfied at my decision, but slowly her expression tells me she finally give in. She let out a heavy sigh, leaning her back on the couch and closing her eyes. I looked at her and wait for her respond, I don't want to push her to the limit because it will only become worst than it's already been.

Reopening her eyes, looking directly at me and suddenly she puts on her smile, a genuinely smile. I smile back but only a small one. I don't want to hope but I pray for it to happen that she agrees with my choice of words.

"Fine. I will stop being a childish and act like a professional singer and model. I'm sorry. But only if you go on a dinner with me this Saturday, nothing but a simple friendly dinner and we can talk about work or anything. We are friend right?" she said as she grinning at me giving me no choice but to chuckles at her respond.

I nodded in understand before letting out a sigh of relief. I thought it will take me for a week to get this done but sadly it's already did. Now I can focus on my work and let say start all over again to becoming a new me.

"Okay I will, but like you said. A friendly dinner and nothing more than that, beside you better told Ms. Walker about this or she won't believe it will be only a friendly dinner" I told her in my calmly attitude.

Stacey nodded her head and grab the phone on the coffee table before dialing who I assume must be Ms. Walker. I couldn't help but feeling satisfied, all of the tension and stress has faded away as soon she's agree with me.

After dinner with her family, I stay for a bit while to have a conversation with her family. I may be her boss, that doesn't mean I can't be friendly with her family. Her family is very kind and caring, I enjoy talking with them until I didn't even realize how late was it.

"Thanks for having me for dinner Mrs. and Mr. David. Next time, let me repay and take you and your family out for dinner" I thanked them and giving them my best smile.

Mr. David patted my shoulder as soon as Mrs. David walk inside the house leaving me and him alone outside his house. I feel so nervous but surely I didn't let him notice.

"Filzah, I wanted to say that I'm sorry for what my daughter had cause you and your company. I know it's hard for you to control her but I'm happy to hear that you and her found yourself in the real agreement this time."

I was kind a speechless. I nodded my head and give him a weak yet honest smile. "I do anything to protect your family. Your family is my family too Mr. David sir. Please don't thanked me since it's my work to handle your daughter anyway. It's already in the contract."

He smile and surprise me with a hug. I awkwardly return and I step back after breaking the hugs. We both have a same expression to let each other knows that we have their backs. 

"Dad!" Called Stacey from inside the house and that's where my cue to go home.

"I guess I'll see you later then sir. Thank you again for the dinner" I nod my head before turning around and walk towards my car.

Climbing onto my car, letting out a heavy sigh and quickly start the car and drive away from Stacey's house. I hope Jessie would be happy knowing I settle between the scandalous matters. If not, I have no choice but to start search for love again...Hmm...After three years how can I do it? I'm scare of hurting again, scare lf being use again and most of all scare being played...I hope this time it will be my last love,  the one and only love...New Beginning of my own love stories.

New Chapter, New Beginning And New Me

CHAPTER 1 : THE NEW BEGINNING

Missing you wasn't the part of my plan actually. My actual plan was moving on and telling you that I don't care what you thought about me, even I know deep down that would be all lies. It was over a few months ago you left me for no good reason and the reason for the break up thing still lingering in my head. Like a song; it repeats over and over and over again. It won't stop.

As I stand here, in these darkest, lonely and cold room. I could feel the sudden sadness. I sigh loudly and knowing no one to bother to come and see about me anyway. Who cares if I am happy or not? Not even my family would dare to asked about how I'm feeling or I'm endearing with these pain in my heart. It ache and it won't ever stop.

I walk out from the cold darkest yet loneliness room, I glance one more time before closing the door behind me. I guess this is it. This is the new chapter of a new me, a new start and new story of my life. I promise that I won't ever open the damn door to my past. Because if I do, I know I won't be able to move on like how I wanted it.

~Three years later~

"Filz! Hey wait up!" I stop from walking turn around to see Jessie running towards me, she was the first chapter of my new life. She was a bit loud, annoying, but she's a really caring, kind and most of all a true friend.

"Hey, what's up? Is something wrong Jess?" I looked down at her as she was catching her breath from running. She held up her hand to wait for a minute, I nodded in understand while smiling at her. Amused might I add.

She then straighten up her clothes and then glares at me "you could had me dying back there, Filz!" I laughs at her sudden words. Like I would guess she will be annoyed at me, I did hear she was calling me but I intend to ignore her. What? I love teasing these girl.

"You got me there Jess" I held up my hands in surrender while putting my best smirk that I know she couldn't help but to rolled her eyes. But I didn't missed the small smile forming on her face.

"Whatever jerk" she slapped my arm playfully before we both started to walk towards our offices. Let me tell you, after what happen in my past. I move away from my hometown and start a new life here in a new place. You must be wondering where, right? Well to answer your unspoken question, I'm in New York. And start my own life here as a new me.

I met Jessie when I first came here three years ago. She saw me sitting alone at the park, and approached me like we're some kind of a friend. She sat beside me, I thought she was just wanted to sit and enjoy the view of a beautiful morning in New York. But I was wrong. To my surprised, she turns to looked at me and held out her hand while introduce herself.

"Hello there, I'm Jessie Walker but people called me J or Jess. What's your name?" I looked at her by surprised and at first I was about to ignored her hand but then I told myself this could be a new start. So I took her hand and shake "Filzah Lucas, but called me Filz."

I was taken back by her big smile. I smile back but not as big as her smile though that could tear your mouth. I always wonder if these is it. The new start, the new beginning of my life. After the sudden introduction, she talked without stop. And as for me,  I listened her talked, only answers or talked when she asked me a questions. 

That's how I know Jessie Walker. I was surprised to know we work at the same company and same department. She's a lot different when she's in office. She turns her mood into work mood and the expression on her face would be scary if anyone who doesn't know her, like how I known her.

"Hey, you okay?" Jess nudge me. Looking at me with a curious expression she wore for today. I smile at her giving her the silent answer that I'm all good.

She shakes her head "I don't understand you sometime Filz. I mean, about what you think inside of your little head. I wish I could read your minds."

I was surprised to her sudden words. I know she knows about my past. I did told her, well half of the stories because I still have the issued of letting people in my life. "I'm sorry Jess, it just that sometime I am scare. You know what I mean right?"

"I know Filz, I understand. Let's forget what I just said" as she said it. She kissed my cheek and straightly went inside of her office. I sigh knowing Jess, she will never wanted to speak it again unless she was the one who brings it up.

"Rough morning Ms. Filzah?" asked my P.A as she follows me inside my office. I could nodded my head and sit down at my chair. Looking in front of me, so many papers needed to be done and I bet your ass it will be a rough day for me.

"Here's your morning coffee Ms. Filzah" she set the coffee on my desk, giving me time to adjust before starting my day. "Thank you Nat, you always know how to save my day. So any message for me? Meeting? Clients?" I asked her before sipping my favorite coffee.

"Mr. Zack called just before you arrive, he wanted to know if lunch with him still on. And you have a meeting with The Beast around 10 a.m. Also Ms. Stacey called asking about you but she didn't leave any message at all" as soon Natasha giving me all the detail for today, I thanked her and let her get back to her work.

I take out my phone and straight away calling Zack. I told him about the lunch is still on and I'll be seeing him around 1 p.m before ended the called. I pick up a few papers on my desk and straight away I'm doing my job.

As you all can see, I am the CEO in Photojournalism and Entertainment Department. My company provide the best of the best entertainment for our clients. I work my ass to get to this top. I couldn't help but thanked Jess for the help, if it wasn't for her I might be a normal worker.

Jessie actually is the owner of these company but since her dad and me are kind a an old friend. He give me these job and even these position since he saw the talent inside of me when I was still a rookie in these company.

Just about last year, Jessie's dad giving the co-partner position in these company with his daughter. I for once refused since being a CEO is enough already for me. But he insist it anyway even Jessie told me to take the offer, so without another word I agree with their decision. I promised that they won't be disappointed to have me in these company and I will work my damn ass for these company anyway.

A sudden knock stop me from doing my work. I call them to come in, whoever it is better be important if not I will kicked their damn ass for interrupting my work here. Piles of work I tell you,

The door open and to my surprised Jess walks inside my office. I raised my eyebrow in amused. She never once the kind of person who knocks on my door. She always barged inside my office without knocking.

"I'm impress Ms. Walker. I never thought you will be the one to knock on my door. What can I help you Ms. Walker?" seeing the playfulness smirk on my face, Jess rolled her eyes and sit down in front of me. Did I tell you, she even let out a huffed sound.

"Must you always be these kind of cocky Ms. Filz? Because if it's, it doesn't suit you at all" smirk forming on her face, letting me know she won't back down these playful fight we usually have.

I laugh at her and shaking my head in disbelieve. What can I say? I always lose to her anyway. She's good with winning, since I let her win anyway. Don't tell her I told you, she will be pissed knowing I let her win.

"So straight to the point, what's bring you here Ms. Walker? Since you never come in my office unless it is necessary for you to be here. You usually goes by the phone or leave a message to my P.A" I asked her as I lean back on my chair looking at her in a serious face, a work face I tell you.

She nodded her head as she put a yellow file on my desk. I slowly lean forward and took the file before curiously opening to see what it is inside the file. I was shocked to see pictures, not just any pictures but pictures of our latest and newest client.

I looked up to meet with Jessie's eyes. Also to see her reaction. I even looked more surprised to see Jessie face are calm but her eyes tells me differently. "Care to explain what's with the pictures Ms. Filz? I thought we had our agreement about these scandalous rumors about her? You even told me few days ago that you will take care about these, but to my surprise when I found these on my desk as soon as I walk in my office this morning. I thought we talked about these before Ms. Filz!?"

Jessie's words were clam yet strictly venom. I almost died in her death stares. I rubbed my forehead as I put down the file on my desk and lean back. I sigh in to how the hell can I explain about these.

"I did Ms. Walker, I did take care of it. I guess she just forgot about the agreement. I promise you Ms. Walker that I will handle these as soon as possible. I can't just throw her away since she still have another 2 years contract with our company and she still have the rights to sue us if we suddenly fired her."

I know Jess didn't look satisfied with my answers. But she keeps it in professional way. She pick one of the pictures before put it up to show me the inappropriate picture of our newborn star. "Is these looked nice to you Ms. Filz?" I shake my head afraid not trusting my words "then, do something about it! Before the paparazzi get it first! We're lucky that this pictures were taken by one of our employees. I want it to be done by the end of this month if not you will deal with me!" she stood up throw the pictures in my face before storming out from my office.

Shit! I seriously thought it settle but guess these girl doesn't take a no for an answer. Damn! I groan in annoyingly while sighing heavily. I should see it coming but guess I was too distracted to notice it.

I push a button on the intercom "Nat please come in my office now" in just a minute, my P.A walks inside my office. I show her the pictures and her expression were the same as I had when I looked the pictures.

"I thought we had an agreement with her? I guess she didn't like it, the agreement we gave her" I said while groan in frustrated. Natasha nodded her head in agreeing what I said. "I guess I have to go and talked to her on my own. Cancel all my appointment for these week, and please tell Mr. Zack that lunch today would also be postpone."

As soon I said it, Natasha quickly make a called for canceling my appointment and postpone my meeting with them. I put everything inside my bag, even the pictures and quickly walked out from my office. I even told Natasha to inform Ms. Walker I'm taking these week off to take care of my outside business. Straight away Natasha called Ms. Walker as I get inside my elevator.

I told you, a rough day for me. Fuck! I hate my life now. I thought it will be okay but in the end it started to become more complicated. New start, new beginning; these wasn't in my list of change. Oh well, I have to take responsibility anyway. I did chose this newborn star who started to form a bad influenced for the fans. I need to stop her or I might lose my job and worst of all, the company name will become bad.

"Fuck my life!" I shout as I stand outside in front of the main entrance. Everyone looked at me like I've grown two head. I ignore them and quickly get inside my car and drive away to my main point.

My new chapter of my new life has just started. 

What is Good in Love?

I always wonder what is good in love? I never thought about it before. I always goes for it and look for someone who can be love and being loved back. But unfortunately, I failed to notice that love isn't that fair in any kind of relationship.

So I was wondering why I always to be blame in everything. Like for example, the break up thing. It always my fault when the truth, it was never mine. Some people said that you just have to let your ego down and take the blame instead pointing back at the other partner. Yeah, like every relationship I took the blame and never satisfied actually. It is my fault for not having a strong heart or cold heart. 

There was one time I fought back, like argue back to my ex about why am I the only one who is to be blame here when you're always the right one. And guess what? She pointed out to every single thing I had done wrong when we were together. All I do was stand there and be queit and just keep on staring at her in disbelieve looks. What can I say? I am not a fighter when it comes to arguing with someone I care or love.

In the end, I always lose and take the blame. I am tired for never had a steady relationship. Like really never once I had a steady and happy relationship. I even lie to my friends and myself that I am happy with my ex. Why is it so hard to find the right one? All I want is just an honesty, trustworthy and loving. Nothing else but those 3 things. 

I am an inside and outside closet. That's my story of my relationship for the past few years. Taking the blame, giving in to them and never fight back. So until next time. See ya! 

Nothing's Forever By Jamestown Story

I listen to this song every night before went to bed or more like till morning and fall asleep. I kind a wish it won't happen but it did. Gosh how am I such a fool for believing that there would be forever in You & I. Guess I was wrong from the very start.

I never regret anyway for loving her and for being with her. I could tell you all that I am the happiest girl when I am with her. So yeah, I guess she is happy now. I can't blame her for breaking up with me. It was my fault for everything to fall apart. I blame myself for ever treat her wrong. I hope for the best for her and her new happiness. Glad to know her and call to ever call her 'Mine'.

I pray for your happiness everyday for the rest of my life. I promise you. You will always have the part of me, the part that never anyone could have. I promise you. I will always remember you and love you.

Sincerely Your Ex,

ILZAH