Flashback

As I remember back to the time when we're together, I felt like the rocks fell down on me. Snapping me to sees the truth of what you meant to me. I was stupid for not doing better to you, I was the one who made you cried and hurt you. I never seen it but my friends made me realize after you found someone new. Lying on my bed, looking at the ceiling and flashing back to the time when we said it is over. "I am sorry, I was wrong" the words that I kept on saying but it would not worth because you are no longer here. Can a day I stop thinking about you? Can I work it out the mistake I made? Will there be another day for making up with you? I wish everything be answered. I kneel down in regrets to see how you being with someone else. Left me hanging on my life to know you are happy. "Bii! Let's go!" I snap from my own thoughts and wipes the tears inside my eyes before closing the memory box of You and I. "Be there in a minute!" I shout back before putting back the box to its place. Glanced back once again at the box before walk away from my room. "Goodbye my past, I will never forget about you. Never will be." End of flashback...

Everything

The word has been spoken The day has come Where we all have to do One thing in our life. You think that each of us know What is like to have a good life When all of us just live and have fun But never think about the real matter. In this world people do forget That they only live for awhile They just borrowing this earth And then give it back when the times come. Let's face it We're not perfect Life never fairs Many lies among us. Everything we do We do it for our own self We're being the selfish person And always think about ourselves. So think twice See the real facts of life Where is the true Thinking wisely and reasonable. Don't disappointed In what you do Because you choose that path Do not blame the others. Everything will never be perfect Like we wish or wanted So face it And be happy for now.

Correct Me!

You can have a day all you want But it surely different from this Make me see the truth Behind those words of yours... There are nothing I can do All I want is the truth and honesty Can you do it? Or you scare to let me know? Come and tell me Don't hide the truth Be strong and face the facts... Correct me I know what I am wrong I need the truth So give it or die for it Correct me When I made a huge mistake But don't correct me When you do not know the real thing So what are you waiting for? Correct me now It is now or never Before things end now...!

Random #14 (What I want!)

Just a day where I can not wait to be the one to tell you how much you meant to me... I am just an ordinary girl with nothing special. I am who I am but I feel unsatisfied with one thing....

I want someone that undertand me more than my friends and family.., I want that person undertand where I come from and accept my family like how they accept me...

Love and me are never friends from the start... It is hard to find the right one even if I already found it still it won't be the one...

Been there and done that. Ask me anything about relationship with girls or boys... All I already know how it feel when I dated them...

Truly I am a girl who obeys to her family rules... I am a girl who doesn't like party, drinking, smoking and tattoo...

I am girl who just want to find someone that accept me as I am not for someone I am not....

P/s: suddenly came up in my mind while I feel so boring and listen to music... Around 23:58 before midnight hehe... Sucks to be me -:) can't sleep early always sleep late maybe around 1 or 2 or maybe 3 a.m... If school night I'll be sleeping around 12 or 1a.m...

Guess my life sucks still teenager but already have many stress... Love it or not gotta be live it while I still alive ;-)

CHANGING! (True Story)

I have a huge secret that I'm scare that one day my family will found out the truth about my secret... It wasn't my intention to be like this... It wasn't part of my plan too...

8 years I kept the secret without their knowing it the truth... I never want them to know for whom I really am... I know they will hate me and shout at me for being a...a lesbian....

I'm just a kid when I had my first crush and it was weird because howI like it... I've been hate since I come out to the school and thank god they didn't tell my parents about my sexuality....

My friends accept me for whom I am and said they will always be my friends... Even half of them disgusted at me but they still talks to me until end of my high school years...

Everyone at school knew me for whom I am... But that didn't change a thing at first... I dated few girls but end up broken heart... Hahaha....

I was unlucky with loves but I never gave up on waiting for the right one... My friends told me to stop being a lesbian and become straight as a ruler... I did tried once but failed when I was 16... Hahaha!

Now I'm already 17... I manage through the year of my last high school... I finally change and thanks to my friends who supported me from behind... I know they didn't show any sign of that they care but I had a feeling they just do... It makes me happy enough to try harder than before...

Here I am taking step by step to the changes... I finally to likes guys but had a slight feelings toward girl but I push it away and be stronger...

Until now my parents doesn't know my secret and I love to keep it that way even it's hard and how they talk about gay/lesbian it still stings inside me... But I never get offense easily because I'm used to hearing how they hate les/gay.... Hahaha!!!

I'm not a homophobic or hypocrite... But I talk truthfully and honesty... Straight to the point is what I am... But I do choose the words carefully incase someone get offended...

Changing is harder than I ever thought it should be... Well I guess it's my punishment for being whom I'm not... This secret forever remain silent without anyone knows especially my family... Let it be like this forever until I'm old and ready enough to tell the truth...

Let the change take over and old me will be forever lock until it's time to come out... Changes are my only mission now! No doubt!

This is how I change from being 'L' for almost 8 years and change into straight! Thanks to everyone helping me out especially my friends Faz, Aud, Cassy, Sher, Mitch, Pres, Onie, Atin, and so many more who stay by my side until now!  Thank You!

I Pray For Your Happiness!

She be the amazing girl I ever seen, I can't help to be happy for her. If there someone who can make her happy, then the person is the lucky one to have her... When the day she get marry, I will stand by her side and support her with whatever happen as long she's smile... The person who gets to marry her is the luckiest one, I wonder if she ever knows that I used to like her but too bad there's no faith in us... I wish you the best of luck, even if you don't need one... Because you'll be the happiest girl I ever seen when you walk down the aisle, on the arm of your father... When you married the person you love and happy...

A Present For You!

1. If you want to tell everyone about the fight between you and your best friend, then why not tell the whole wide world about it instead everyone you know. I bet they won't mind to listen and maybe just maybe they support you when all you do was asking for sympathy since your best friend mad at you. But too bad everyone can be faking it to pity you when the truth they just didn't care. 2. Don't try to tell everyone that I stole your best friend from you, because I never did! It was her decision to make who she wants to be friends with or hang out with; it's your fault for this happen. Blame yourself for being to coward for telling the truth instead putting the blame on somebody that you know who happens to be your lover! 3. If I'm the bad person, what about you? Don't tell me you think yourself perfect after everything happen, oh please be more mature! And besides I still remember it clearly that you also did bad things too! Come on, don't be too chicken just because your bff hangs out with me and my friend and please I never said or like if your bff be friend with you! You know her more than I know her, but what you did was hurtful to her! Let all face it, every friendship must have this kind of fight, without this kind of fight it will never be a perfect friendship! 4. Your lucky I'm okay with what ever damn you said, because I promise myself not to start a fight! But if you make the first move; that means making me angry. I don't take two times to think, I will surely hurt you. I'm a patient and never like people challenge my temper! You. Be. The. of. Me! So try to solve things out properly instead looking for a fight that I swear to god I never like it but if you make me lose my temper then let's just pray for whatever happen after that! 5. Call me blind, call me stupid but that doesn't mean I don't know your secret! You need help, I give you help! But never once I thought you will do this to me, well I never knew you be stupid to do it! Fucking liar, cheater on your own gf behind her back! Congrats on doing it! This isn't a threat but it will be if you asked me for another help about your obssesion with girl! Fucking slut and player dude! You think I scared of you or people, you are damn wrong! If there wasn't any laws that killing is not illegal, I will be the first one to do it! 6. You look like her slave even though she's your friend! Haha! You hurt so many of my feeling, you embarrass me and say hurtful things in front of people I don't know! You think you can get away with it? Fucking hell no! I will haunt you and when I do, I kill you slowly! The way your hurt me, I will make the same things to you! I even make your life living hell and crying for help! No one likes you, I know I do! So better watch your back before going anywhere, because you never know when the times come! PEOPLE HATE YOU JUST LIKE THEY HATE ME! BUT IF THEY HATE ME MORE BECAUSE YOUR FUCKING STORY! I WON'T SIT DOWN AND RELAX WHEN MYSELF BEING HATE BECAUSE SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO! I WILL NEVER DOUBT ABOUT MAKING YOUR LIFE LIVING HELL! I NEVER JUDGE PEOPLE, I ONLY OBSERVED THEM! (12:10 P.M) (07/05/2013-08/05/2013) (TUESDAY-WEDNESDAY) {>.<} {*_*} {+.+} {=,=} {8-|} EMOTICONS!!!

Baby It's Never Too Late!

Baby I know it hurts Baby I know your in pain I try to help But everything seem useless I did want to make the pain go I did try to do so But baby it's hard I'm not a fucking doctor You cry at night You cry in your sleep It hurts me to see you like this Baby I'm sorry I tried Baby please stop Don't hurt yourself It's killing me I know it hurts baby Tomorrow I promise We go somewhere you live We fly to wherever you want As long as I see your smile Even whatever happen Or whatever situation you in We will be together Because it's never too late It's never too late To make things better Because we in this together I promise you on my life So please put on your smile Let the world see That you're doing better Even for just awhile It's Never too late to make things better... Baby it will never too late... Will never be too late because you have me with you baby...

Best Friends!

Best friends are always will be by your side whenever you needed them the most. Even without you says anything, they will always be there for you no matter what happen. When they're too busy, they still be there for you or hear your problems. Best friends are where you confess your feeling, secrets and problems that you have been through. Sometimes they will complained, but the complained will leads you to realisation about honesty and caring. They want what the best for you, so dont take it to your heart. They also can be annoyed with their words, the way they say will hurt you with or without notice. But that just them , best friends can be frustrated too. So just let it go, because without them; you dont have someone to joke with or share some secrets. Even with thier stupid and crazy style, accept them for whom they are. Don't ever judge them if you already know them too well instead some stranger. TRUSTWORTHY, HONESTY, CARING, PROTECTIVE, BELIEVING, FAITHFUL, LOVING AND HELPFUL... Best Friends should have it in them,even though there are more...

Random #13 (Memory)

This is me and my friends, I'm not the girl who wears glasses instead I'm the girl beside the girl wearing glasses.

This is my last day of seminar, it was a fun day since the lecture were so cool and funny.

It's have 8 schools involved in this seminar, includes ours school... Beside only our school is an all girls' school though....

Memory Always Be Memory To Remember :-)

Breaking The Relationship!

I've been told by little bird about you want this relationship to be over. Well, I did kind a thinking about it for awhile and I was kind of hoping we could talk it all about this not working relationship we had. For once I thought it was because we're both busy with school's work and some crazy project but now the relationship suddenly change and the distance between us as become far.

So the next thing I do is; I'm going to see you and talk it out but I do need to know why you asked someone to tell me about the breaking up things and why not you did on your own? While I was on my way to your parent's house, I was kind a surprise to see a knowing car park outside your house. But most of all, the things that makes me look more shock is that you were kissing someone that I'm very aware with;

And so, I decided to drive back home and just let talk about the relationship on the phone. I rather call you instead looking at you that makes me more hurt than I am right now. It was a sudden decision you make without discussing with me, I'm sad to know that you never take this seriously even our relationship are falling apart, you still never take serious about this kind of thing.

That night, I call you and we talk about the sudden decision you make. I do know I wasn't the same like when we first date. We talk and talk until one of us couldn't hold the tears and started to cries without another words. I sigh and finally make my decision even if it hurts so much, like a thousand swords have been stabbed inside of my heart.

I take a deep breath and said what best for both of us, if this answer makes her happy then I'm also happy. As long as she keeps smiling and have a better life without me, that's okay for me. Just want to know that this the finally that we're going to talk because there is no way in hell we're going to become friends again.

The words I said to her that make her stop crying and apologies plus she did thank me and wish me luck and hope I will find someone who will love me equally and always that can last forever with me.

"Babe, if this what you want and if this your final decision then I'm not going to stop you or come between you. I will accept that we're breaking up, the end of our relationship. But I do hope you and whoever you with right are happy and hope he make you proud that I can't do when we're together"

"Still you will be the first and my last, you change me and let me see the kind of world that I dream to see. Thanks, just so you know I will always love you forever and ever until my eternity. See you in the future, if we ever meet again" 

Yeah, that was my last words to her and until now I didn't even heard about her since the break up. But I do heard from her friends a few months ago after the graduation day, she finally found some happiness and finally moving to the next step. Yup! She's getting marry before me, haha! I still can't believe how fast she can be, but whoever she with is sure can make her the happiest girl that she ever deserve.


For your information I did get invited to her wedding  but too bad I couldn't go because I don't want to make her feel guilty since I kind a did keep a secret from my family and friends that I have cancer. when my friends and family knows about this, I told them to keep it secret from you so yeah I won't be living for too long.

Too bad my friends aren't the people who can keep their mouth shut! She did came to the hospital the day before her wedding, she cried while angry at me for keeping it a secret. I just don't want her to cry again, just because of me. I just want her to be happy, now finally knowing she's getting marry with the guy who can make her happy then I'm okay. Even I go right now, I will feel happy that the girl I love finally walking down the aisle.

"I Love You and Thank You!" That's the finally words I hear from her before I close my eyes and drifting to sleep forever and never wake up again... I could feel myself smiling while I close my eyes and I do say the words back without care if her future husband is besides her because I want her to know that I keep my promise that I told her I will love her forever and ever until my eternity!

"I Love You Too and take care of yourself my love, for I should go now! Farewell Love!"

-This a story about one of my friend, Rest In Peace my friend and May God Bless You! Plus the title wasn't who I make it, since it was my friend! Before died my friend wrote this and include the titel, so don't blame the titler was awkward or confusing! 

Mountain

The mountain is such a beautiful view from my house with the clouds covering it.

Your Suck At Lying!

You think that I care what you say/talk about me? Well you are so damn wrong because all I know is that you words only like a wind to my hear; it comes and then gone forever.

I never know that you can be such a good in acting, but too bad your suck at lying. The way you lie was so not make any sense at all since I already hear the truth before you say it.

Next time try to find someone who can teach you how to lie, so that one day when you lie to people they will buy it. Dont make yourself fool in front of the people about telling lies, it will only humilated your ownselves.

And one more think, try to be more brilliant and intelligent about lying so you wont be shame of yourself. Dont make a puppy dogs face or asking for sympathy so people will pity because that just so uncool and sucks!

So I just want you to know be more aware and too never try to lie but if you want too; then its all up to you, you take the responsible not me or anyone. Becareful what you do, cause I aint help you even your friends wont help since they dont want to take the risk when its actually your fault/problems.

Random #12 (Stress And Confused!)

I'm still trying my best to stop being stress. I know avoiding my best friends won't solve the problems that I've been confused.

I can't even face my own mistake, I want to be someone usefull and not useless!

Confusion and stressness always going to be inside me. It will neve be gone, I just hope they will understand how miserable I am right now. Just because of this stupid stress and confuse!

Random #11 (Life, Confident & Strong Quotes)

Random #10 (Promise Me!)

I look you walking away from me, feeling so sad and hurt. I'm sorry for making you like this, it was never my intend to do it.

I have to let you go, it's not because I don't love you, it was because your parents don't like me. I know I should fight for it, but I just can't since I don't want to let your parents down.

Even if you don't love him, but I still know that one day he will make you happy and be the one that can make you love and protective.

I couldn't be there for you, I know I did promise you but now I just can't make it happen. I'm sorry if it hurts you a lot, I just gotta do what I have to do from the very start. That is to let you go, and be with the person who can do everything that I can't never do.

This I promise you, that you will be happy being with him and more in love with him than you ever do to me. Just promise me one thing... Promise to always never forget about me that I'm your first love and will always be... Also, promise that you will soon be happy and have a happy family with him with lots of kids...


I just want you to be happy, to see those happy smiles make me know that you're happy being with him more than me... I want you to that, even if you can't promise me about being your first love, then promise me to always be happy... I know I'm selfish, but I do this for your own good, for your future and most of all... for us...

Random #9 (Don't Doubt My Love!)

As I walk down the street, thinking back at the fight we had. I really didn't mean to sound disgust but it just come out from my mouth without any warning. You were the one saying something that is un-true, you even said I was cheating behind your back with some random girls that I really don't know.

Looking above the stars,
Remembering the fun we had,
It was seem just like yesterday,
When we know we falling in love.

Baby what gone wrong?
What made you think I cheated on you?
Didn't you trust me like I trust you?
You really hurt a lot.

Maybe we aren't meant to be
But why I see our future together?
And why I could feel fireworks when we kiss?
Please don't doubt my love to you.

I read back the paper again and again until tears flowing down on my face, it's feel so long I didn't cry this much. It hurts a lot, like I've been stab by a hundred-thousand knives in my heart. I wish you will realize how wrong  you are for saying such things, even I know I feel guilty for saying those things. At least I apologies before I walk away, I know you want too; but you was too stubborn to say it or give up.  

My Life In School/Out School

People keep saying bad things about me and even making fun of me, even if its hurt me but I ignored them and try to smile to their teasing.

I know I'm no one but I do have feeling, and it hurts when our classmate made fun of us especially in front of the teachers or the people we love.

There were the times when I think back all the fights I had with my best friends, friends and family. It was nothing but hurtful memory, its like your the bad person, even though you try to struggling to search for the real you.

Mocking and teasing are okay with me, but when they try to go far a bit then they will end up in the hospital. Well I don't mind making that happen but since I remember my family and their dignity, I just couldn't do it; beside I'm no bad person who try to make people hurt.

Not Like them, they never did tired hurting, mocking and teasing the weak one since they can show their friends that they're the boss and people will scared of them. Well duh! That just stupid, they sure doesn't have any brain at all.

Being the victim of the bullies was not the best in my life, it's already 7-8 years I've been bullied but I just keep calming and patient. Even I once I try to punch someone, but I just couldn't since I'm not that kind of person.

Bullies are weak since they only bully the weak one, if they're not weak then why not bullied the same level as them; not the lower.

Seriously, what's wrong with this world and what's wrong with my life? Can't I have just a normal Life for once, I'm so tired of being the laughing stock and most of all being hated while anti at the same time... There will be no words I can describe in what world I'm in;

Random #8 (Hurt And Pain)

Looking above the stars,
Remembering the past,
The pain coming back,
Wish it could go away.

Shining so brightly,
Under the full moon,
You make me love,
But the hurt still there.

Will there be love again?
Will there be happy ending?
Will there be an 'us'?
Tell me my love.

You said we would last froever,
You said to trust you,
You even said don't worry,
Now you already gone.

Struming my guitar,
Trying to make our song,
But nothing comes in mind,
Only tears flows down on my face.

Would there be a second chance for us?
Would there be love again?
Tell me my love,
It really hurt me alot.

Pretending is what you are,
Never regret in what you do,
You move on so fast,
Leaving me miserable.

There's nothing left,
But pain and broken heart,
Because that what you are,
An heartbreaker.

What you want?

In the middle of the night, you yell at me for not being a good wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend and the one who you use to love. I try to calm you down, but you just push me away and shut me out from you life.

What did I ever done to you that you said those horrible, hurtful and painful words? I did try my best to love you for whom you are, but it's you who didn't let me.

You slap me, kick me, yell at me but all I do was trying to calm you down. I didn't even feel the pain, because whenever I see your tears flows down from your eyes, I can't help to feel guilty.

What you want? Tell me please, it's killing me to see you hurt when I'm here tying my best to guess and help you out. I don't want a perfect relationship, I just want a normal but trustworthy, honesty and love in our relationship.

It doesn't matter if we're not perfect, at least we love each other equally and let the world see how much you're meant to me and how much I love you for who you are; So please, don't shut me down and let me in. I want us to work it out, just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you.

Even if you ask me to do stupid things, I will do it. Because you are my everything in this world, no one can ever change how my love for you.

Random #7 (When A Girl)

When a girl said "I love you" you don't have to say it back. Just smile and say "I know"

When a girl talks a lot, don't complain, just listen and smile. So she knows that you listen.

When a girl come crying to you, don't bother to ask "why?" Just hold her tightly, to let her know everything will be alright.

When a girl ask you "what's wrong" don't hesitate to tell her the truth, she will always be there for you.

When you fight with her, make sure that you and her said "sorry" equally. Then you know how sorry and love she is to you.

Don't try to think negative things about her, it means that you didn't trust her like she trusted you.

Don't come into conclusion when you don't have any evidence that she's cheat on you.

Don't ever doubting that she might have a crush on someone, but doesn't mean she wants to be  with that person; Crush is just a crush, soon it will fade away.

If she ever ask you about 'cheating', you don't have to explain at her in anger. Just say "I would rather be with you than anyone else, don't ever think like that."

If she said "can you keep a secret?" that mean she trust you with her secret, since not every girl would trust people with their secret. Not even family and friends.

Never let the girl feel so lonely and empty, try to be there for her even if she said "I'm okay" when the truth she's not.

Let her be comfortable to you, maybe she knows that you can be the one who can help her and protect her.

Make her feel special towards you, never lose hopes in her even she's already broken into pieces.

Even though she's already broken, that doesn't mean you have to hurt her even more. Try to be the person that she knows you can change her and make her forget the pain.

The girl's heart is not that strong like a guy's heart, all they ever wanted was Love, Caring, Brave, Strong, Sweet and most of all Honesty.

Be that person that every girl dreams for; be the one that can give her what was already lost in her small heart and life.

If you do all the things for her, she will always love you and knows that you're the one that change her life from upside-down.

Message from the author: Sorry I haven't update anything since I'm busy with my school and tons of homeworks. I try my best to update more, including my life in school and loves life too. Hope you enjoy reading the new update ^^ No copyright! I did this own my own, it just came slip inside my crazy mind haha! Hope you all are fine and happy always, don't hesitate to leave a comment :)